Full-time Chief, Part-time Doctor, Full-time Clown

An officer who was injured on the job sometime ago, had to have his knee surgically repaired. Due to a manpower shortage, the chief was less than pleased about one less on the schedule but with the full knowledge and cooperation of the primary care doctor and even the city manager, the injured officer scheduled the procedure for as soon as possible. The day before the surgery, the officer received a call from the doctor's office asking him when he wanted to re-schedule. After he told the caller that the surgery was slated for the next day, she told him that their office received a call from a man identifying himself as the patient who cancelled the operation. The officer had the woman at the doctor's office call the department and ask to speak to the chief. She identified his voice as the caller who cancelled the surgery.

"We Don't Tolerate Racism!"

The same chief who told his officers to "treat everyone with respect" also tells new hires "we don't tolerate racism here." One day he seemed to be in a bad mood. When asked, he said that he was concerned because the house next door to him was up for sale. He said, and I quote: "Its not that I'm prejudice or anything but if the wrong neighbors move in and I start finding chicken bones and watermelon rinds in my yard, I swear I'll blow the f*****g place up!"

Cheap Labor is hard to Find

A man got himself arrested and charged with a serious crime. The police chief, who personally handled and dispensed all of the department's court subpoenas, neglected to give the arresting officers their notices to appear at the man's trial. It just so happened that the man who the officers arrested was a friend/employee of the chief who cut his grass, painted his fence and cleaned his pool. What a coincidence!!!

Group Activities - Good for Morale

After one of the department's officers was found guilty of "pattern call-offs," the chief told many of the other officers "You men should get together and beat the s*** out of the guy, that'll teach him a lesson!"

If you're looking for the chief, you can find him at Sunday mass.

Do As I Say But Never as I Do !

When hired at a local police department, the chief always greets the new officers with his usual "Treat everyone with respect" and "Keep your personal life unsoiled" speech. What he's most known for is his "When you lie down with dogs you get fleas" quip. What's interesting about these pearls of wisdom is that they come from a man who spends his summers in Florida vacationing with a former resident who got rolled up in a federal investigation involving the transportation of large amounts of marijuana across state lines. But it's all very innocent because according to the chief the guy in Florida "has never been convicted!" (could it be because he cooperated with the feds by turning rat?)

Oh, and another thing: The chief's boss (the mayor) has a son who, according to Florida State corporation records, is a business associate of the former DEA arrestee turned songbird. Hmmmm!

Playing Favorites

Here's a good one: A local police department has a "Residency Clause" in their contract. Like many other departments, this one required its employees to live within the jurisdiction the officers serve. Unlike most others though, this department played favorites. The administration identified three officers who did not live in town. After a lengthly (and expensive) investigation, the powers-that-be terminated only two of the three. The two that were canned did fight their firings and were re-instated with back pay, rank, etc. By the way, did I mention that the third and "unfired" cop was a friend of the town's mayor who listed his true residence on the county's real estate web site for all to see, including the administration!